Thursday, January 1, 2009

My Story of Makayla

My name is Marissa. I am 24 yrs old and have one healthy son who is 6. I found out I was pregnant the beginning of april 2008. The first trimester I was so scared I would lose the baby. Little did I know I would lose my Makayla Rayen at 37 weeks. I went for my weekly check up on Dec. 10th. I told my docter that my son moved a lot more then my daughter did. For days she would move very little, I thought it was becasue she was head down already. When they tried to hear the heartbeat there was nothing. Another doctor came into the room and heard nothing. They moved my stomach and nothing moved. The words I will never forget rang into my ears, " We call this a fetal demise." What I was so confuzed? I knew what it was but could this really be happening? I tried not to panic knowing that I had to drive myself to the hospital, on the way I found myself crying and praying that my dear Makayla hadn't left me. When I got to the OB screening room they did an ultrasound. I knew before anything was said, I looked at the screen and I didn't see the heartbeating. I looked at the ladies face and it turned white. She said " I'm so sorry but the heart isn't beating." In shock I started to cry. I sat in the room knowing that my daughter had died in me. I had already called my husband on the way saying something was wrong. He was on his way to the hospital. I called him after I heard the news. All I could tell him was, " I'm so sorry baby" as I cried the call ended. He knew at that moment his daughter he wanted so badly left us. I called my mom who lives out of state, I told her. She cried just as hard as I did. She was on the next flight to see me. It took over 30 hours after the induction before I could see my angel. Makayla was born at 12-12-08 at 12:36 am. She shares the same birthday as my mom. When she came out she had one over her heart and the other holding her wrist. Legs crossed. She looked so peaceful. She was 4 lbs and 14 ounces and 18 inches long. When she first came they put her on my chest ad I held her, she was so warm. I didn't cry at all when she came out. The hospital was so kind and the people were unforgetable. The nurse Alicia asked if I wanted to bathe her but I was scared. She washed Makayla at my bedside as I rubbed her small chest with my finger. I can still remember the softness of her skin. We dressed her and we took pictures and my mom and I held her the whole day and night. My husband held her for a while but I think he was really hurting and it was just to much for him. She stayed with me that whole friday morning and night. I knew the longer she was out the faster she would decay. The decay process had already started because she was delivered three days after she passed. I held her little hands and kissed them. Looking at all of her features, having my nose and lips and her dads round face and ears. Her dads black hair and my texture of hair. She was my baby that grew in me for months. When I left the hospital that night it was like my heart was ripped out. Now I had to wait to find out why my angel left me.